Suddenly it’s August, and school starts (for me) in 12 days. This year I’m telling myself I’ll slow down, and will not be substituting as much as in the past. At least that’s the plan, but I’ve said that before.

Being a history nerd, I originally wanted to teach social studies. It took me two years to do the academic work and fill all the squares to get a provisional license. Except I couldn’t get hired for a permanent position. Too old even then, and too well qualified (I have a master’s degree, although it has nothing to do with teaching). So I decided to substitute.

How time flies! This will be my twenty-first year. Over the past two decades, I’ve taught a bit of everything, including kindergarten. Hey, it’s only a half day, so what could possibly go wrong?

For two years I was also a school bus aide, teaching the kindergarteners how to cross the street during the first week of school. That was very rewarding until I decided I didn’t want to get up that early anymore. The second year, the driver I was paired with had seven runs!

My favorite philosophy is “Every child deserves a quality education.” Unfortunately, the flip side is all of society’s problems wind up in the public schools. This is where I learned about seizures, head lice, and (😞) child abuse. But being a substitute at all educational levels has enabled me to follow the progress of certain students through most of the system. It’s very satisfying to see the progress they’ve made when they graduate.

And there are lots of endearing memories. Like the time in high school when a girl asked “My boyfriend says the word gullible is not in the dictionary. Is that true?” My first thought was “Did I hear that right? Am I missing something?”

Or the time I filled in for the teacher who was the yearbook advisor. At that time, the entire morning was devoted to yearbook production. First period the juniors came in and decided to show me their photographic skills. They pulled out some very nice cameras and we spent the period taking pictures. Second period, the seniors joined us, and the first thing they said was “Oh no, we’re not allowed to have the cameras out when we have a substitute.” This was a real problem because I was in half the pictures.

One of the major challenges a few years ago was coping with COVID. When school finally resumed, there was a multiplicity of adjustments and restrictions. There was also a shortage of substitutes, which necessitated some flexibility. Like the time I had a straightforward job as a special-needs aide and was told “We need you to teach physics today.”

Trust me, there are many more memories like these, and not all of them suitable for a general audience. I might try them out sometime on an open-mike night at the local comedy club.

So I have a lot to look forward to this school year. I’m sure it will bring its share of challenges, but the new memories will make it worthwhile.