There are certain rules we are taught to live by, like “Always keep your promises.” But what if you shouldn’t?

Google this and you get “Promises you shouldn’t keep are vows or commitments that require you to do something harmful, illegal, unethical, or unsafe.” Okay, I get the “harmful, illegal, unethical, or unsafe” part, but what about something that’s burdensome?

I’ve been reading about a couple who promised to care for each other under all circumstances as part of their wedding vows. Then, in their golden years, he developed Alzheimer’s and the burden of care simply became too great. That seems like one reasonable reason to break a promise, however heartfelt. Are there others?

Exploring this question led me to an interesting post on a website entitled “Why You Should Never” (https://whyyoushouldnever.com/).

Predictably, a contributor named Louisa Fallow posted nine reasons “Why You Should Never Make Promises.”

She begins with the obvious, You not be able to keep them, then continues as follows:

You’ll set yourself up for disappointment (always a danger),

 People will stop taking your promises seriously,

You’ll miss out because you’re too busy trying to keep your promises,

You might end up resenting the person you made the promise to,

Your promise might be empty, and thus damaging,

Some promises won’t be in your best interests, and its corollary:

You could end up hurting yourself,

And finally, Keeping promises is a real slog.

So should you never even make promises? What do you think? Actually, I’m not sure what she thinks, because she ends with “Never make promises! Just kidding… sort of.” What?

She continues: “We know that it’s not always possible to avoid making promises, but it is possible to be more mindful about the promises we do make. We should only make promises that we know we can keep and that we’re truly committed to keeping.” I don’t think anyone would disagree with that.

Her final thought: “When we make thoughtless or empty promises, we’re not only damaging our relationships, but we’re also damaging our integrity. So, the next time you’re tempted to make a promise, think long and hard about it first.”

This seems awfully negative, but she has a point. Promises are serious and should be taken seriously. For example, when I received my congressional appointment to the USAF Academy, I promised my congressman I wouldn’t quit throughout the four years. And I didn’t! It was a serious promise based on a major life decision that also helped my motivation.

So sometimes promises are useful, even necessary, like wedding vows. In any event, people will continue to make them.

And that’s a promise.

The complete essay is at https://whyyoushouldnever.com/why-you-should-never-make-promises/.